Kshama will be a single tree; now and forever. Once, she said to herself: a few people are coming to see you. You will like them. And we should fix it. She dressed beautifully. She wore flowers in her long braids, stood in front of the mirror and made a face. And watched again and again. She loved herself. And this marriage was arranged. She got married. Kshama’s story might appear as a work of fiction.
Meet Kshama Bindu, the hero and heroine of a story that has been circulating for a few days. This 24-year-old entered into sologamy, or she married herself. It is only natural that Kshama should make headlines in a country where such a marriage is happening for the first time. While trying to get more information about this unusual wedding, we were told that Kshama was in the process of planning her own wedding. She was busy with last minute preparations. Khama told us about his dreams and ambitions from Vadodara. If one were to borrow his own words, Khama is currently of marriageable age. We asked about his parents. They are both engineers. Her father works in South Africa. She would rather describe her mother as someone who balances work and home.
Born in Ahmedabad, her childhood was spent in Damani. Soon she moved to Vadodara for her studies. She graduated in Sociology from MS College. From the age of 17, Kshama, alongside his studies, also worked part-time. Currently, she is a Senior Recruiter in an IT company. She also has many followers on Tik Tok and Instagram and also does modeling.
Do you call that a marriage?
Yes, she could have lived without getting married. What if she had this desire to be married? Kshama always wanted to be that beautifully adorned bride, standing at the mandap, going through all the rituals to get married. But she never wanted to be someone’s wife. Kshama came up with this idea for a Canadian web series. A character in this series says, “I want to be a bride but not a wife.” It was then that she began her research on sologamy. In addition, she had some reluctance to change if she married someone else. After marriage, she would be bound to change for that person for good and for bad. And Kshama never wanted that. So there was only one way in front of Kshama, marry someone and manage to live the life she wants. Then she decided to marry the most favorite person in the world: herself. This is how she came to the concept of Sologamy.
Has Kshama never fallen in love before?
From an early age, she knew she was bisexual. She has had various such relationships with both genders. Although she fell in love with them, she is still friends with all of her ex-lovers. She has been living alone for several years. It didn’t take long for Kshama to realize that she enjoys spending time with herself the most. She began to fall in love with her own loneliness. And that love resulted in a marriage like this.
Preparations for the wedding
Kshama is aware of the difference between a wedding function and life after marriage. She wants the job but not married life. She points to the tattoo near her neck that reads “I choose myself” to emphasize her conception of marriage. She wanted this unusual marriage to be seen by those close to her. She had decided on a typical wedding ceremony which included chanting, haldi, mehendi and saat pheras. Asked about her parents, although she said they had no objections, we were told that it was her friends who helped plan the wedding.
Even the Poojari fled
The announcement of her marriage made national headlines. Many have said that such a marriage does not suit Indian culture. The temple priest and the organizers withdrew from the ceremony. Many malicious rumors circulated on social networks. There are people who marry inanimate objects to ward off bad luck in their horoscopes. The priest initially agreed thinking it was that kind of ritual. He said he was ready if she intended to marry a tree or a doll but not herself.
But Kshama says such a marriage is her decision and she intends to stick to it. She said marriage is a personal decision and is of paramount importance to her.
Even though the priest was unavailable, Kshama had already thought of a way to get married. She kept a recorded tape of wedding songs and shlokas. Initially, the date was June 11 and invitations were sent out for that date. But when more and more people started to oppose this marriage, she was not very sure of succeeding. This is why Kshama got married in the presence of her friends last Wednesday. His apartment in the Gothri sector was the wedding venue. Kshama wore a beautiful lehenga, did all the rituals in front of the sacred pyre and applied sindoor to her forehead, and got married. When she took the saat pheras, she promised to fulfill the seven promises that a husband is supposed to fulfill for his wife towards herself.
The legislators explained that there is no law anywhere in the world for such a marriage. Asked about the marriage certificate, Kshama is sure to get one. Nowhere has it been said that sologamy is illegal. It was her decision to get married. She will submit an application for registration and a marriage certificate. If that doesn’t happen, she could go to court.
What if she changed her mind?
She received a lot of backlash for this decision. Many called her an attention seeker and said she could call it all off in a few weeks or days. Kshama spoke about the issues she faced after making the announcement. When asked to leave his house rented by neighbors, Kshama managed to make them understand. Kshama admits that she is now recognized on the street. She can’t even hang out with friends without being harassed.
She has her own justifications for this unusual marriage. A woman has to go through a lot of misery in a marriage. These are all married women who are victims of domestic violence and yet refuse to go out. This sologamy is her way of escaping such life situations and learning to be happy. After the news broke, many married and divorced women called her and had nice things to say to her. Kshama will soon be leaving for Goa for her solo honeymoon. I wish him all the best!