Church wedding

Why do they seem to think my marriage isn’t real?

Dear Amy: My fiancé and I have been together for 4 and a half years. We are getting married next month.

Amy Dickinson

It will be a small wedding, with less than 50 guests.

After we sent out our invitations, stating a start time of 2:30 p.m., one of my aunts texted and asked, “What time is the wedding?” We have a conflict that we are working on. For us, if it was later in the day, it would be better… just saying!

I know she got the invitation. I simply replied that the wedding started at 2:30 p.m.

I later found out that her conflict was a garage sale she was planning to have.

This week, another uncle texted: “We’re just thinking about your wedding day. What time of the evening do you expect the reception to take place? »

Amy, I believe that if it weren’t for a gay marriage, these inappropriate questions would never be asked. I don’t think they consider this marriage “real”.

Am I overreacting by being offended?

two bride and groom

Dear newlyweds: I am so happy to report that you are not discriminated against. How can I know? Because on my own wedding day people called me and texted me asking what time the ceremony was, asked me for directions to the church and told me they brought additional guests.

I’ll be happy to post wedding stories from others, many of which will put your aunt and uncle’s prior requests into perspective.

The other good news is that none of this will matter. You will have a great time.

Dear Amy: I have a 9 year old with special needs. “Kyle” works well on the autism spectrum, but doesn’t do well with athletics and other “typical” settings that might help a child fit in, make friends, and have a life. dynamics of functional childhood.

We fear that he will become more socially isolated. We are very committed and committed to his therapy and his well-being. Our little families are following suit (especially the two sets of grandparents).

My problem comes from my younger (adult) brothers.

They are both loving, but seemingly detached uncles.

I really don’t like their lack of effort or involvement which I know my son would benefit from, whether it’s an occasional day trip to the zoo, park, ball game or overnight fun .

They haven’t offered in years. They have no children and live nearby.

Growing up, I was the older brother who acted as a caretaker. I always thought each of them was spoiled and self-centered.

Am I wrong to get so upset? I just can’t get past my disdain.

I know it’s not their job to “parent” their nephew, but a few hours of quality time a month would help his psyche immensely.

Your recommendations?

upset dad

Dear daddy: The contact between these uncles and Kyle would probably be good for your son. It would also be good for your brothers.

Those of us who have family members with special needs understand that sometimes relationship can unlock qualities that will put a person in touch with their own deeper humanity.

If they got to know their nephew, your brothers would see that he has a sense of humor, that he has a unique way of seeing the world and processing information, and, if he communicated with them and that they were forming a close relationship, they would just be better men.

Do they want to be better men? Maybe not.

They will not intervene spontaneously, because they do not know how to do it. Do they need an engraved invitation from their big brother? Unfortunately, yes, they do.

Rather than share your disappointment and disdain, you should ask your brothers for help.

Invite them (one at a time) to go out with you and Kyle.

You’re going to have to show them how to be with him, and when you do, one or both of your brothers might develop their own quirky relationship with Kyle, which would grow as these uncles grew more confident. You can then ask if they could each take him out maybe one Saturday morning a month for “uncle time”.

Dear Amy: I loved your response to “Happy to Help” about how to help your partner overcome writer’s block.

I was so happy to see my favorite author, Anne Lamott, quoted in the answer!

Big fan

Dear big fan: Quoting Charlotte’s Web: “It’s not often someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer.”

Anne Lamott is that, for many writers and readers.

You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.